Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Music: Important for Survival

 For my reading class I wrote a 5 paragraph essay on Music: Luxury or Important for Survival.
 
 My opinion on if music is luxury or important for survival I think it's important for survival. It's important because people use it for their cultures, music helps people with their moods, and music can help you in school.
 People say that music is luxury but i think they are wrong because it's important in many cultures to have music. i know that Native Americans have pow-wows and they sing their own songs and they dance. I also think Africans make their own songs and they sing them and dance to them and have their own "pow-wow".  But if we didn't have music then we wouldn't be able to sing and dance or have pow-wows. In some cultures they use music for important ceremonies.
 People say music doesn't help at school but I think it does! Music helps me do my work in class and that helps me concentrate. When your at school and you need to remember notes for a test or what you need to do as homework you can make a song and just keep singing and listening to it over and over again until you remember it. At some schools they use music to learn some notes . Foe example in my math class we sang a song to remember multiplication.
 When some one is sad or just having a bad day then you can listen to music. When your sad you can listen to music and listen to a happy song and make yourself happy. Music encourages me with my moods. A lot of people need music to help them clam down or get their energy out by dancing. They also use it for their therapy and it might be the only way that helps them.
 That is why music is important. People use it for their cultures, music can help them in school, and music helps them with their moods. That is why music is important.

1 comment:

  1. Felicia,
    Your writing continues to get better! You used specific examples in each paragraph - Native American pow wows in paragraph 2, using music to help you remember multiplication in paragraph 3, and using music in therapy in paragraph 4. You also brought in a "counter-example" in Paragraph 3 when you said "People say music doesn't help at school, but I think it does!"

    I'd say what is missing from this essay is that, while you did a great job explaining how music is important, you didn't go so far as to show that people couldn't survive without it.

    You also still have some grammar and spelling errors like using "your" when you needed to use "you're" (you are). In making your sentences more complex, you also could work on how to use commas to make sure they are grammatically correct.

    Overall you did a great job stating your opinion and then proving it through 3 clear body paragraphs with specific details in each.

    Score: 19/20

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